Happy to be Discontent

barbie-head2

“Discover your own discontent, and be grateful, for without divine discontent there would be no creative force.”

When I was a little girl, I wanted one of those big Barbie heads that you could put make up on and style her hair. BADLY! But like many other things I wanted when I was little (Barbie Dream House, Big Wheel, cable tv, my own bedroom) I didn’t get it. Instead, I would go in my mom’s room and dress myself up like a Barbie head with lots of make up, wigs and jewelry. At the time, I thought it was lame that I had to be my own Barbie head, but now, I think it’s kind of cool that I used a little creativity to have some fun with beauty products. I wasn’t content in not getting what I wanted, so it made me think and try and discover.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been content for more than a few weeks at a time. I’ve been happy…blissfully happy…many times. Or I’ve been confused, sad, stressed or afraid. I’ve chased contentment around like a butterfly with my net. I use to say “all I want is to be content”. Blah, blah, blah… But now I don’t say that anymore. Now I say I want to see what else is in store for me in this life. I’ll never find out if I’m all content, hanging out on a porch swing, sipping ice tea all day. I want to want more out of my life. I want to see everything I can accomplish. If I can love more, I want to feel that love. If I can teach more, please let me teach it. If I can learn more, help me understand.

In my yoga practice, there are days that I’m just happy to move and feel what this body is all about. But it’s those days when I decide to dig deep in the postures and practice asanas that I don’t like, that something changes. I find out what I’m made of and maybe even that I’m stronger and better than I ever thought I would be.

So bring it on discontentment…I’m not afraid of you anymore.

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