You Can Put the Blame On Me

blameA man may fall many times but he won’t be a failure until he says someone pushed him. – Elmer G. Letterman

All blame is a waste of time.  No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.  The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.  You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. –  Wayne Dyer

When you blame others, you give up your power to change. – Dr. Robert Anthony

I feel lighter this week.  I feel free.  I feel human.

In yoga, I can’t blame anyone except myself and this body I’m in if my practice is stale.  There’s no one to point a finger at except me.  My body had been feeling stiff and unfamiliar lately, but as I’ve put more energy into my yoga and brought my attention back to what it means to me and why I do it, I’m opening up and feeling like my old self again.  This is a tap on the shoulder to me saying that if I take responsibility, things will get better.

I’ve talked to several people lately who are unhappy with the circumstances of their lives.  Most of these people feel powerless and miserable because of things that have happened in their past and things that are happening now as a result.  I absolutely see myself in their faces.  I hear all the excuses and reasons why they believe things will never change, and I know I do the same thing.  I have been angry with some big players in my life story, and even God at times, but I am now ready to accept that this is my life and take the blame.

This phase I’m in has taught me that to step away from your old life and your old self is a great learning tool.  When I was in the midst of chaos and pain, I wanted it to be someone else’s fault and I wanted to believe that if they would just take responsibility, my life would get better.  But the one that should be taking the responsibility is me.  I don’t want to give away power over my life.  There are a lot of things I can’t control, but there are a lot of things I can.

I know someone who truly, deeply believes that his happiness completely depends on how much love he receives from his significant other.  He puts all of his attention on trying to figure out how to get her to love him more so that his life can be complete.  All this does is push her away.  It’s a carousel they can’t get off.  I’m so thankful that I am starting to see how much better life is when you realize that we are not perfect, and neither is anyone else who has or does love us.

Maybe its our expectations of love.  That whole thing about love is patient, love is kind… Love might be all those things, but the people who love us are not.  Taking a step back has helped me see that I have loved completely, but I have done lots of things for the wrong reasons.  I have taken advantage of people who love me to help me get out of a place I didn’t want to be in.  I do blame myself for that and it feels strangely good.  I know that I’ve grown now and that all the confusion of my past is lining up to make more sense.

Taking responsibility is the first step in forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the door to happiness.  Happiness is the light that shines as kindness.  Kindness begets kindness and we would all benefit from that.


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