Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. – Chinese Proverb
I’m in a weird place lately. This is going to sound crazy, but I get these rushes of happiness all through my body and my mind goes “You shouldn’t be having one of those right now.” What is that all about? It’s almost like this old, happy, carefree me has decided she wants out again, and the new, serious, responsible me is saying “GET BACK IN THERE!”
Sometimes when we go through hard times, we start thinking that we have to live our lives in that place of either struggle or surrender all the time and that the days of just living your life and being happy for happy’s sake are long gone.
I want to laugh really hard and long like my kids do over the silliest stuff again. I want to forgive and then honestly forget. I want to let go. I want to let go of expectations, blame, disappointment, anger, fear…all of it. I don’t want to need something to look forward to to have something to look forward to. I want to fall asleep because I’m tired and wake up because I’m rested. I want to laugh if I feel like it or cry if I feel like it and not give a damn what anyone thinks about either one. I want to know who I am and pay no mind to what others think they know about me. I want to figure myself out the same way I figure everyone else out.
And I will.