No Anchors

I’m beginning to believe that the secret to happiness is non-attachment. I have a propensity to attach myself to my ideas and beliefs as I try, with great determination, to make my them my truth.

The problem here is that the truth will always be the truth, no matter how hard I work. As a very young child, I became good at hiding the truth.  Sometimes it was to get away with things that I shouldn’t have done and sometimes it was to hide where I came from and who I was.  I fancied myself quite good at this hiding game, so I continued to do it, almost unconsciously, throughout my life.

While this skill protected me from punishment and ridicule, it gave me a false sense of power that I could make my ideas my reality.  I became less aware of the writing on the wall and more concerned with how I could deny it.  My slogan became “I’m always okay” and that was not the truth.  I anchored myself to the belief that I was someone who was always happy and who accepted my position without opposition.  Even when things in my life were crumbling around me, I acted as if I was A-Okay.

There is no truth without awareness.  My yoga mat has become my tiny little fountain of knowledge.  It is there that I dedicate my practice to aparigraha, or non-attachment, as a piece of the Eight-Limbed Path of Yoga.  As I study, without judgement, all the things my body can, might and will never do, I begin to accept.  This acceptance of all that I truly am follows me off my mat and gives me peace.

As I become a more open and honest person with strangers and friends alike, I begin to accept reality.  I let go of the notion that I had an easy childhood.  I acknowledged the fact that losing the person I was most close to at a young age will have a lasting effect on all my present and future relationships. I conceded that my marriage was unsalvageable. I became aware that I needed help and advice in business before me and my yoga studio fell on our faces.

A few month ago, I felt helpless and hopeless as I sat in my car looking down at my studio from the street.  In one of those epiphany-esque moments, I  realized that I am not that place.  That place and it’s successes and failures are not my truth.  I was hit with a sudden relief in feeling completely unattached to my job, my home and my life.

Since that day, I have felt lighter and freer and even more hopeful that I will experience more in this life by letting go.  I can enjoy my wishes, dreams and goals more with a sense that life is supporting me and creating beauty that I may not have even been able to imagine.

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3 thoughts on “No Anchors

  1. i love that – i had no idea you were blogging. so beautifully written – i identified with a lot of what you said : )

  2. great blog Cindy. Thanks for your truthfulness and honesty in your writing. Also, you have created a beautiful studio. I had the pleasure to visit last month and I loved it. Just wish I was at the lake more so I could see you guys more. Namaste’

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