I have committed myself to finding more time for meditation this month and I have really enjoyed my time on my cushion. I begin each meditation by simply repeating the word “mindfulness” to myself until I become aware of what has been going on in my mind lately. Mindfulness is becoming aware of the habits of the mind and noticing how the mind can break the peace. It has led me to start saying, “don’t let your mind take over this pose” a lot in my teaching. I dig how that feels.
Then I watch for signs of attachment and judgment about these thoughts and then start repeating the word “understanding”. This is the most complicated part of the practice because there are many things about my life that I don’t understand right now. I get frustrated with myself for letting things bother me or for letting myself feel controlled by what others will think of my choices. Meditation always reminds me that I get to choose what I want my life to look like and that we are all experiencing this life as our own personal dream. (It’s a really nice alternative to throwing up a middle finger at the world.)
What I do understand is that I have to accept what comes my way and who I am and how I got here. I have to accept the consequences of my choices and move on. So I repeat the word “acceptance” in my head for the last part of each session until a feeling of peace seems to rush over me. When I open my eyes and pause before getting up, it feels like I just spent time with someone I love. Meditation is my lover right now and he is passionate, honest and true. I go into my day grateful for the knowledge and wisdom that I feel I am gaining each time I sit alone in stillness and quiet.