I’m Who I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Shy little dreamer

When I started practicing yoga regularly, I began experiencing more epiphanies. Opening up my body opened up my mind to let revelations in. Now I think they happen so often that they no longer feel like the little miracles I use to believe they were. I suppose if you allow yourself to experience the moment with more presence, you should discover some things that you might have otherwise missed.

Today while teaching a class, I had one of my greatest epiphanies so far. I realized that I am now who I wanted to be when I grew up. Before you start thinking I should check my ego, you should know that I was never one of those kids who wanted to be the President or Mother Teresa or a movie star. Instead, I hoped I would be more like that lady on the Charlie perfume commercial. She would breeze from one place to the next with confidence and she could walk into any party or restaurant by herself wearing a big smile on her face. I imagined she loved her house, her family, her friends and her job, she made her own money and she only said “yes” to the things she wanted to. She had freedom and she must have smelled really nice, too.

Although my life is not nearly as glamorous as Shelley Hack’s was in those scenes, I have come a long way since the days when my dad use to force me, kicking and screaming, to go into a convenience store alone to buy candy. My father made it his personal mission to rid me of the shyness that had debilitated him throughout his life. I need to let him know how grateful I am about that. It gave me the confidence I need to run a yoga studio and teach and write with vulnerability.

I found what I love and I found a way to do it for someone else. The things we want only work if we do them for others. I am blessed every single day to be there to guide people into poses, remind them to breathe, read them something inspiring, and link yoga with everything we do off of our mats so we can all maneuver our lives with more serenity.  Someone told me recently that it seems like a conflict for me to have found something that brings me peace and now to depend on it for my livelihood. But I wouldn’t want a livelihood that didn’t involve sharing peace.

Today I realized that not only have I become independent and completely capable, but I also have the two best jobs I could have ever imagined. I get to be a mom and take care of two boys who appreciate me, love me, laugh with me and depend on me. I also get to go to work each day and help people feel better inside and out. I get to be physically active and mentally challenged. I may not be the ultimate “Charlie Girl”, but the shy little dreamer I use to be would be really happy to know she did grow up to be kinda free.


One thought on “I’m Who I Want To Be When I Grow Up

  1. I want to be like you when i grow up! I face that awkward shyness and lack of confidence and it keeps me from doing so many things! I can’t wait to return next week. I injured my foot and it has been in a soft cast for 9 days now. I so love the sound of your voice when we are in Savasana as it soothes me and calms my mind and helps my heart open. Thank you for being there for us Cindy!! I am so happy to have found APY!

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