You have to collect the dots before you can connect the dots.
I heard this expression for the first time a few weeks ago. I wish I would have heard it, understood it and learned what it meant for me and my life a very long time ago. But all the same, I am grateful that I know it now.
I think of myself as an open minded person with a free and forgiving spirit. I talk about acceptance daily in the yoga classes I teach. I have prided myself in my ability to “forget” the things that have bothered and hurt me in this life so I can easily greet the entire world with a smile.
But an amazing group of people and a horse named Secret helped me to see that what I perceived as a laissez-faire attitude about things is actually an inability to trust myself, others and God. The fact is that I do remember being hurt. I do have wants and needs that I should kindly express with an expectation that they can be met. I have not been accepting life. I have been constantly changing the pictures in my dot-to-dot coloring book with this big artificial smile on my face to please others because I have not believed that my life would be safe any other way.
As I am collecting a big, ole bushel of dots, I am starting to make a connection between an inability to say goodbye with my road blocks in life. I have believed that moving on and not living in the past was enough, but I see now that it is not. In order for the world to offer me acceptance, I must say goodbye to the need to be accepted by only one. In order for the world to present me with love, I must say goodbye to the one I loved that had to go. In order for the world to bring me more gifts and blessings, I must say goodbye to the dreams that were not meant to be mine.
Saying goodbye is hard. It hurts. But I have looked goodbye in the eye and walked away feeling like I just exhaled after holding my breath for twenty years. It is hard to explain the freedom that has followed. I feel like the universe really can have my back, as well as other human beings on the earth to connect the dots with me.