I am always working on something. I think I was born this way, but yoga has definitely brought living an intentional life out in me. My ex-husband never knew this, but when we were married I would wake up every morning and make this declaration to myself that I was going to make our marriage better that day, as if it was all up to me. I tried about every way I could think of, and by the time night came, I felt deflated and just wanted to sleep into a reset and try again tomorrow.

What I have discovered mostly since my divorce is that I do need to focus on the things of my heart so I am directed and led, but that I have to be willing to let go when it’s time to let go. Holding on too long to a person, thing or idea has only caused me more self-induced pain than I ever needed to feel.

During my first therapy session after my divorce, I was asked what my relationship with myself was like. After an uncomfortably long pause, I finally answered “inconsistent”. And a truer word was never spoken from my mouth. I attribute lots of my inconsistency to my childhood environment, but I also believe it comes from my empathetic nature. I put myself inside every story I hear and every person’s eyes I see so it’s very easy for me to change my mind about how I feel about the world around me and what’s inside of me.

The fun part is looking back on my life and seeing how I have managed and actually liking what I see. For instance, I am a registered Independent but I know what I believe in, I’m not a sorority girl but I have lots of amazing friends, I have absolutely no “type” when it comes to men which has been an adventure, and I have had every kind of job you can think of from bank teller to hotel housekeeper to school teacher to bra model and everything in between. After a disappointment, I can either sit by the fireplace, pray, meditate and create a vision board for a brighter future before crawling into bed or I can get dressed up, go out and be a little too loud, drink a little too much and stay out a little too late.

Either way, it’s self-care and self-love and I have innately always known that that’s what I need. And what I’ve discovered through my coping tactics is that my weakness, inconsistency, is actually also my strength. I always get up, dust myself off and make a plan. When I try something on that doesn’t feel like it fits, I unpack and try again. I love Jesus and I cuss too much. I eat healthy and I eat crap sometimes. I am responsible and I’m rebellious. I’m scared of water and dogs but I love hiking high and riding horses. I can speak or dance or teach in front of hundreds, but I get nervous going into a party. I am kind and loving and I can blow up and unleash a beast on someone when a wound gets touched too deeply. I have had a life of loss and disappointment, and I have had a more glorious and amazing life than I could have ever imagined. I’m hard to understand, even to me sometimes, so I’m grateful that I have found tools, like yoga and meditation, to bring me closer to myself and especially closer to God, who loves every inconsistent inch of me.



  1. Thank you for your writings. You write so many of the same things I feel and have gone through. It helps me have hope when I am thinking I am “the only one like this” …..

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